When a person you’ve been dating discloses their status to you, it’s because they respect and trust you. Importantly, they want to feel fully seen as a potential partner. So, if someone discloses their HIV status in this setting, instead of asking: “Why didn’t you tell me straight away?”, a nicer response would be something along the lines of “Thanks for sharing your status with me. My status is _____. I appreciate your honesty, this doesn't change anything.”

HIV positive people now live full life expectancies whilst living with the virus, and they pose a very low risk to the health of others in most non-intimate settings, especially if they are on medication, which reduces the viral load in their body to undetectable levels. Undetectable = Untransmittable.

This means that if you are on a date or hookup with someone who is HIV positive but on medication, you need not worry about contracting the virus from them, as they can't pass it on. However, we still encourage using protection with all sexual partners and regular testing as well as the use of PrEP if you are eligible. Using these prevention tools when hooking up with someone living with HIV is a symbol of allyship which will make them feel supported (and sexy) and takes some of the pressure off them, a good ally knows that part of staying safe comes from their own choices.